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Bank scrappage scheme enormous success

The government's scrappage scheme has been hailed by banks as a huge success. Banks across the country are queuing up to scrap as many staff members as possible to cash in on the initiative.

Lloyds TSB have managed to lead the way in the take-up of the scheme, managing to trade in a clapped out Nissan HBOS for a whopping £260bn. "I was well chuffed" said Chief Executive Eric Daniels, "I only paid a tenner for it and it was a right heap. There's been a stubborn smell of piss coming from the back seat and it was really just taking up space on the drive."

Eric did however have to pay for the removal of a bumper sticker that read 'My other bank is also a tax dodge.'.

There are concerns however that less scrupulous executive may attempt to take advantage of the scheme by trying to pass off stolen banks as their own in order claim under the scheme. Police have warned the public to be careful where they leave their banks and to make sure no valuables are left in them.