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Brown Plans Kidney Privatisation

Recently unveiled government plans to part privatise voter's primary organs have come under heavy fire this evening. Brown is facing possible back bench rebellion and vocal opposition from both sides of the house.

The PM maintains that involving corporate interests in the processing of bodily fluids will boost efficency and finally realise the long held dream of enabling the average citizen to shit ice-cream.

The plans, which would see 30% of all public organs outsourced to the private sector, have raised concerns that we're going to be having our arses wiped by Capita come 2012. Union leaders have organised protests across the country, with their rallying cry of 'Gordon Get your hands off our Organs!'.

Mr Brown has defended the controversial plans, "What people fail to realise is that we have to embrace the realities of modern socialism. Socialism is now less about building fairer societies and more about screwing the taxpayer for every penny then spending it on chips."

"Besides, I can't see what the fuss is about. This is merely an extension of existing policy. We've been taking the piss out of the public for years already and no-one complained."