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Market segmentation

I work in an industry where I have to spend a lot of time listening to marketing bullshit. One thing that I usually gnaw off my own feet to avoid talking about is market segmentation. But then I thought maybe there are some market segments that I can identify that no-one else has discovered. I'm going to drop a few of these in every so often until I start to bore even myself.

• What proportion of monopeds refuse to wear clogs as the hollow clocking noise reminds them of their encroaching mortality?
• How many Bulemics eat Campbells Meatballs for their inherent emetic properties?
• What percentage of Big Brother viewers bite their own toenails?
• How many banking bosses can skip their bonuses this year and still afford to buy the Isle of Wight.
• How many Marmite purchasers would happily lick a dog's anus for a tenner?